Thursday, July 12, 2012

The universe has been talking to me. It talks to you too, right? Right?!

We moved once at our first duty station, from apartment to house.  Then again to second duty station.  Then again to third duty station.  All in five years.  
So ever since or very first move, I have had this thing.  I can't settle.  I can't make myself at home.  I never paint, why would I, when I know 18 months later I am going to be painting it back to white and my husband most likely won't be there to help?  I unpack in record time, then let anxiety take hold of me every time a new item comes through the door.   Every time we get something new, all I can think of is it is going to be another thing for me to pack up in a few months.  
Every time we move I have to pass out all my plants herbs I have been tending to, only to buy new pots, and new plants when we get to the new home.
I am NOT settled in Hawaii.  We unpacked in record time.  We have been in the house five weeks now.  Everything has found a home.  The walls are plastered in preschool art work.  It looks like a home- but I haven't decided on that yet.  
But the universe is trying like hell to convince me. 
I have been stubborn, and cheap, and refused to buy new planters.  Really it is getting old.  But after spending a small fortune in basil I decided it was time to cave and go pick some up.  I spent fifteen minutes fighting with myself in the garden center.  "I want those nice pots, I am not dropping that kind of money to throw it away again in the next couple of months." Back and forth.  Really annoyed and pissed and just an all around bad attitude.  So I pick up two, grab some basil and chives, and decide that, is enough.  This will never be home.  And I am not trying to make it home.  It is a vacation spot.  I am on a three year vacation.  
On the way home, Chris turned right instead of left and said he wanted to drive around the block to see the neighborhood (he is such a grandpa.) And wouldn't you know- there sitting on the lawn for garbage was seven HUGE planters, full of Hawaiian flowers.  I stopped and knocked on the door and asked if they were throwing them out.  "Yeah, we are PCSing, you know how it is.  Do you need help loading them in your car?"
I have to say, my backyard looks pretty damn home-y.  
Touche, Universe. Touche.

1 comment:

  1. This just made my day!! Get settled, play in your home...show yourself, and your children that no matter where you are in the world if your together you can make anywhere "a home". Decorate, experiment with color...and then repaint it again in a few months a different color (I mean if its going back to white anyhow). Start looking for cheap paints. Let the kids make handprints on the wall (we did that with my sister when she was little and it was a blast because you can make butterflies out of your hands..). Life is short and since you know you will be moving soon anyhow...why not.
    I know all this is easier said than done. But your always so bright eyed and bushy tailed. My "Miss Positivity", you always see the positive when I focused on the negative. You always were my go to person when I needed a slap of reality..
    Make your "vacation spot" a vacation home!! You can also just tell me to shove it...but I love you, and miss you and look forward to hearing about your adventure...all the good and all bad (frutrating) stuff. I am glad you let the universe win this one...I look forward to hearing about who wins the next one! <3

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