Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Years!

My Heart is ravisht with delight,
when thee I think upon;
All Grief and Sorrow takes the flight,
and speedily is gone;
The bright resemblance of thy Face,
so fills this, Heart of mine;
That Force nor Fate can me displease,
for Old long syne.

On Old long syne my Jo,
in Old long syne,
That thou canst never once reflect,
on Old long syne.

Happy New Years

A long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Oh the days go by so fast

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

Monday, December 27, 2010

What separates Ellie from most kids? Most kids accidentally fall in the tub, get a face full of water and get scarred. Ellie says, "Shit that was scary, let's do it again!"

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Better Mama

"The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it."
Thich Nhat Hanh


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I think when it comes to being a mama, EVERYONE has room to grow. I read in a book that kids always want to please you, so as long as they are busy helping you, they are happy. Of course they "help" me bake, and "help" me clean a lot- but with the deployment upon us I have been so busy that I have found myself with this Get Out Of My Way So I Can Hurry Up And Get It Done attitude.
So I am confessing that my OCDish self tries so hard to make time and play, that I am too busy to- well, make time and play.
I resolve myself right here, right now to remember that it does not matter if the house is clean- if the whole time I was cleaning alone my kids were staring at the TV.
I started tonight. It took me over 7 mintutes to put one box of wipes, and one pack of paper towels in the cupboard, while Ellie "helped" me. Then Carter wanted in on the action, and even though I really wanted the second box of wipes upstairs, he "helped" unload a box of his own.
But the book was right, they WERE happy to "help."
Any mom, not just one with a deployed spouse, can relate to being overwhelmed with little chores that need to be done. And we rush through the motions of our day without taking the time to enjoy it. I never used to be like that- but I lost touch with MY reality for a minute, and I am so glad I found my way back.
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. --Mother Teresa
The rain is back and the sickness lingers- This is a real blow to my optimism, not the breaking point, but a blow nonetheless.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.
~Eric Sevareid

Blessed art thou, King of the universe- who has given us life, who has sustained us, who has enabled us to reach this day.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

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SUN and RAINBOWS!


after a week of rain and flu, the color outside started to turn that beautiful "storms over" glow. me and carter ran outside in the rain to find the rainbow (we found it.) one half of the sky was blue blue, and the other half was still gray, but we literally watched it blow away.
the storm has passed. (hopefully figuratively and literally)

Monday, December 20, 2010

I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can play together all night.
~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Who's that big girl college grad!?


Oh yeah, that's me!
There was hope, there was faith
There was truth but I just couldn't get it
Now there's love in my life can't let it go I just won't let it
Change has played its part
And it's healed my wounded heart

All I wanna do and all I wanna be
All I wanna feel is something real
I want to believe that everything I do, from here on out will be with you
It's gonna be with you

Here with you I feel safe and I know this is jut the beginning
For so long I was lost, now it feels I'm finally winning
I wouldn't mind,
I could love you for the rest of my life

All I wanna do and all I wanna be
All I wanna feel is something real
I want to believe that everything I do, from here on out will be with you
It's gonna be with you

Oh, it's gonna be with you
I wouldn't mind,
I could love you for the rest of my life
Cause

All I wanna do and all I wanna be
All I wanna feel is something real
I want to believe that everything I do, from here on out will be with you
It's gonna be with you

It's gonna be with you
Now that I found you
I'm never gonna let you go
I'm never gonna let you go away
-Jonah Johnson, With you

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Currently My Favorite


Add Image

1 year ago


All those worries that he would be jealous- I bet he had no idea that I had his best friend in my belly.

Ellie's Birthday Dance 12/18/2010

Happy Birthday Ellie Mahoney


I have said it before, and I will say it again, Ellie, you are my dream come true. I always wanted a little me- and boy did I get it. Be careful what you wish for!
I have no doubt you will someday be a strong, beautiful woman, but the next 20 years of my life might be tough going. You are a firecracker, and I love every little piece of you.
I already know I will never be able to tell you who to be, so my only plan for you is to try and brighten your life the same way you brighten mine. You are a beautiful little lunatic.
I love you everyday,
Love, Mommy


LOVE

365 of 365


Updated 8/10/2014
Can you believe I deleted pics by mistake from my blog!?  They are all backed up on flickr, but not in order.  So many of the 365 have been deleted, but Ellie is 4.5 now, and my flickr is full of 25,000+ photos of her perfect angel face.  SO.  Even Steven.

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0482 Today is my finish to my 365 (Well, technically it is 367, but I numbered some wrong and whatever- I actually started on 12/17/2010 but it is nice to finish on Elle's birthday.)
So I did it.
My- Itsy's first year, day by day.
My- A picture a day while your away.
My- 365 days in the life of me.

I actually finished something I started. I guess 2010 was my year to change that about myself. College and my 365- I never finish anything. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit the 365, but I finished it. So YAY.

But let's not pretend I am still not going to post a TON of pics, but I don't HAVE to.

Still, I hope Ellie loves it someday. Even though every pic wasn't of her, she was a part of it all.

I love that little lunatic.

Like Mama, Like Baby.

Happy Birthday Ladybug!

Ellie's Birthday Theme Song:

Friday, December 17, 2010

Ut-ohhh

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“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies”

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

:D

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Guess what I got today!? Expect a VERY picture heavy blog.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Mama and Babies Date Day

Remember when it used to be called Mama and Carter Date Days.
We had an impromptu/super busy/must sit down/must have someone wait on me/must have dinner/date at Ihop. Here are my lovlies, showing me a good time:

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Lifes been good to me so faaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Today was kind of a success- no, I am being positive- it was a success.
I have been planning for WEEKS to go to Santee Lakes Christmas party. I freaking love Santee Lakes. The flier looked serious, and I pictured a big deal. ie- bounces houses, Santa display, lighting ceremony at dusk. Wellllllll...
It was really nice, but it wasn't age appropriate for my kids (mostly.)
No matter.
I was INTENT on having a big day.
We have been pretty much stuck in the house since Chris left.
This was our first fun outing since my surgery.
My poor children have been bouncing off the walls, and watching far too much TV.
Digress.

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We played on every different play area the park had.
We had a picnic.
We giggled, chased, and played tag.
Ellie ate goose poop.
And Carter rode a pony:
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I am really excited for him. I know he always has wanted to, but never brave enough. I didn't even walk with him, because I had Ellie. All by himself.
Big boy.
Oh, to top it off his horse's name was "Cowboy." Total Carter dream come true.

It didn't really feel Christmas-y. Five hours at a park in 80 degree weather doesn't speak of Christmas to this Cleveland-er, never the less- I will skip the Grinchy, "I miss my husband," speech and just focus on the fun.

Both kids fell asleep by 6:30, and you know we played hard when Carter falls asleep without being put in his bed. Never, never, never in three years have I seen him just fall asleep (except his car seat.) But I let him watch TV in my bed so I could shower, and when I came out I found this:
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Biggest complaint of the day- I MISS MY CAMERA!
OHHH EMMMM GEEEEEEE, I had the best photo op.
Picture this: FINALLY the leaves changing color. The wind blows, the leaves literally RAIN DOWN from this tree, so many that it was LOUD- Carter goes running and DANCES under the tree with the leaves. Grab small camera. Take pic :
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- That is not what it looked like through my eyes! You can't even see the leaves. I need zoom, I need megapixals, I need my fix!

Soon enough.
Until then, enjoy these :)

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"Sometimes you try to look so far ahead of you, you miss all the wonderful things that are right in front of you"--Anne Marie Williams

12/12/2006

Four years ago today, our lives changed.
Chris left for bootcamp, December 12th 2006.
That was the morning I knew my best friend wasn't going to be coming over after work.
That was the morning I sent him a message saying, "Please don't leave without me telling you I love you."
And he sent one back saying, "Don't worry, I'll write you soon."
And he did.
He wrote a letter asking me to marry him.
We never even dated.
But I said yes.
And look how far we have come.
Congratulations Chris, on your four years in.

"mrsa" piss off.

We had yet ANOTHER attempt this Friday to get blood draw. Third appointment, second doctors office- still not blood work. I am taking her to a children's hospital this week, because "Quest Labs" will not be touching my poor baby again. They straight tore up her little arms.

I just felt so angry by the time I left, that I could literally feel my BP rise.

Hopefully we find that there is nothing, her immune system is fine, and the little spots don't return. I would love for her to be done with this.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Distance does to LOVE what wind does to fire, extinguishes the weak and IGNITES the strong ♥

Message from Santa:

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/guest/DPqekClj7bcXw9qxAoJZdQ

I can't even describe how Carter's eyes light up.

Friday, December 10, 2010

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Another "myspace" pose. Chris wants pictures- what can I say...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Pretty is as pretty does.

Ryan Adams- In my time of need.

Will you comfort me in my time of need
Can you take away the pain of a hurtful deeds
Cause when we need it most there's no rain at all

And the dust just settles right there on the feed
Will you say to me a little rains gonna come
When the sky cant offer none to me
Cause I will come for you
When my days are through

And Ill let your smile just off and carry me
Cause when the calm comes down
I take the truck on into town
And buy whatever we cant seem to grow
I work these hands to bleed cause I got mouths to feed

And I got 15 dollars hid above the stove
Will you say to me a little rains gonna come
When the sky cant offer none to me
Cause I will come for you
When my days are through

And Ill let your smile just off and carry me
Cause it ain't like it was on back in those days
When everyone would offer up a hand
These old bones are worn
I've grown tired some

And I know my time is surely gonna come
Will you comfort me in my time of need
Can you take away the pain of hurtful deeds
Cause I will comfort you when my days are through

And Ill let your smile just off and carry me
Lord we married young and stayed where we came from
And gave those children everything we had
Will you stay with me in my time of need

Though it seems we had such little time for us
Will you say to me a little rains gonna come
When the sky cant offer none to me
Cause I will come for you
When my days are through

And Ill let your smile just off and carry me
Favorites songs right now:
In my time of need
Lengthwise
The dog days are over

Baby it's cold outside.
When you're here, I sleep lengthwise; when you're gone, I sleep diagonal in my bed.

The misadventures of boyhood.

Our toilet is leaking

Kind of

It's a little wet around the base.
I called maintenance and the guy came and said it is not leaking.
Whatever.

So last night me and my friend were eating.
Carter is all, " I gotta go peepee" and takes off running.

Then I hear, "OH NO! MAMA!!! I Pee on floor!!!!"
I go in there to find him standing with his pants around is ankles trying to pee in the upright position.
Rofl.

I guess it is not leaking.

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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

STRESS

So I needed to take Ellie to get her blood drawn. Since Thursday of last week. Between company, and not feeling well I have put it off long enough.
This morning I had a whole list of errands I need to do, set off on a mission, and left bright and early so i would be the first one at the walk-in lab that the doctor sent me to.
All the way to Poway-

I get there, wait almost an hour, and am told that they don't specialize in babies but she would take me as long as I have someone to help hold her down.
I of course had no one.
A bunch of people in the waiting room offered but that wasn't good enough. She said I can't just pick someone ??? What?!
After some arguing, nearly crying after telling her my husband was deployed and had no one, a lady finally stood up and said "I am a pediatric GI specialist, I work with babies all day, I am pretty sure I can hold a baby to get her blood drawn."
So there we were.
Holding down my screaming baby while two strangers and myself pretty much torture her.
While she proceeded to blow out two veins the doctor started arguing with her about how she is using too big of containers and can not get it out of a baby her size.
So while the two of them are arguing I am sitting there dumbstruck, because I know this stranger/doctor is right, and it is too late because the needle is already in.

Of course, two sticks, two blown veins, and she says she is not going to poke her again- she sends me to another clinic that is better with babies.

I have to call and make an appointment.
They have an automated recording that is at least a ten minute process.
Twenty minutes with a toddler who (pardon my french) Won't. Shut. Up.

Drive another thirty minutes in the opposite direction.

Tell the lady when I get there that I just left this other clinic, explain what happened, and am escorted back to an office with another lady.
Both of whom spend all day drawing blood.

Two more strangers, more torture, three more sticks, one more blown vein.

I have to take her back again Friday. She then proceeds to tell me that if she knew she already had been poked three times this morning she would have never have tried to draw more blood.
Dumbstruck for a second time as I wonder why the communication between her and the lady at the front desk who I explained this to (she was also the same lady who helped hold her down, we were all in the same freaking room) is so bad. Furthermore, if communication fails you, wouldn't the two big bruises and tape on my daughters forearm be enough of a hint?

Fuck "MRSA."

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Having lunch with my babies-
Both kids shamelessly start JAMMING "The Dog Days Are Over."
Love them.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

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Good friends call to see how you are going. Mil-friends drive hundreds of miles to stay with you the first week your husband deploys. :)
I love my "family."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

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Look how she sits with her little feet crossed.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

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Is that baby Ryan playing with the L's? YES IT IS!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dear Lord, Give me the greatness of heart to see, the difference in duty and his love for me. Give me a task to do each day to help pass the time while he is away. Give me the understanding, that I may know, when duty calls, he must go. And Dear Lord, when he goes out to sea, please bring him home, safely, to me ♥

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Ladybug Video


Miss Ladybug is so cute.

Deployment Day Uno


Today went good.
Really.
But my camera broke. The first time in the countless times that ship has been in and out, that they manned the rails in their blues, and my camera broke.
Such a big moment in our life, and I didn't get my PhotoTherapy.
Furthermore, now I am convinced I need RealTherapy to address my (maybe) misguided anger.
Here are a few I took with my little camera.
(Yes, I carry two cameras) (Yes, I know I am a freak.)
I borrowed photos from the Carl Vinson photographers to share with you (whoever you are ;P )

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Proud. Bittersweet.

Words to get me through deployment

This hangs in my living room, written across picture of Chris kissing me on my forehead. I have loved it for a long time, but today it makes me smile a little more.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
e. e. cummings

Monday, November 29, 2010

Me: I love you to the moon, Buddy.
Carter: Thank you! Do you love me to the sun too?

Sent from my iPhone

Don't count the days, make the days count.
Written 11/29, Back-dated for OPSEC:

This morning when I woke up I realized it was the last time for (X) months that I will be sleeping next to my husband. :/
And then he left, and I picked up his socks and realized it was the last time in (X) months that I am going to find his socks next to the couch. <--And I feel bad about that!? HAHAHA
Just kidding.
I have been anticipating this day for so long that it feels surreal.
A little scary, a little emotional.

But in the great words of my hero, Doc Holiday, "There's no normal life, Wyatt, it's just life. Get on with it."

Saturday, November 27, 2010

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Dear Julian,
While I am totally sure your Christmas celebration was to be taken seriously- I couldn't help but feel I was stuck in the middle of Nightmare Before Christmas meet Bad Christmas Special.
Nevertheless, I want to thank you for helping me laugh my ass off with the Boeves, and a delish apple pie. Good times.
See you when you give me snow.
Ashley

Friday, November 26, 2010

Facebook status gone wrong.

This is what everyone is putting as their facebook status right now:

My husband has made me laugh-Made me cry- Wiped my tears- Hugged me
tight- Watched me succeed- Seen me fail- Cheered me on- and Kept me going
strong!! My husband is a promise from God, that I will have a Friend
Forever!!

I'm gonna have to take it a step further.

My husband has done all those things, in addition to that:
1. Drained my drainage tubes, twice daily, for seven days straight.
2. Gave me a shower when I could barely stand.
3. Fed me stool softeners post op.
4. Slept on the footstool next to the couch for the past three weeks, so he can sleep next to me, and I can sleep comfortably.

I guess I will keep him.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Thursday 5


I am THANKFUL for the beautiful day my family had yesterday, and THANKFUL that I realize the absence make me appreciate the good times. I give THANKS for my health and my speedy recovery, and for the health off my children. I am THANKFUL to have many little luxuries that I have and do not take for granted. Finally and most importantly I give THANKS to God.

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Thanksgiving day at the San Diego Zoo.
In matters of style, swim with the current;
In matters of principle, stand like a rock.
-Thomas Jefferson

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.
~W.T. Purkiser

If everyday could be like today, I still wouldn't have enough.

First we took pics at the park. (I NEED TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER!) I just can't get enough. I love taking pics (especially of my babies.)
The best part of taking pics was that we had fun doing it. The kids played on the jungle gym while I chased them around with the camera. They were just doing what they do. I LOVE IT. After I uploaded the pics, I found myself literally laughing out loud. They are so funny.

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After the pics we went to the mall for the indoor play area. And what do you know? Santa was there. We had to coax the babies in, so we all ended up in the pic :)
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Then we were hungry so we headed over to the Corvette Diner. SO FREAKING COOL!

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***sigh***
Making the most of our time.
Love it.